RELATIONSHIP RESCUE PACKAGE
The Grass is Greener where its watered – start by watering your own grass!
7 x one hour sessions in which we cover any or all of the following topics:
- Unlimited phone, text, email access to coaching with Clare for 6 months.
- Angel Crystal (to bring love and support – put it in your pocket like a lucky penny
- Workbook; including worksheets, cheat sheets, tip sheet
1: Survive (eat, sleep & breathe)
You are not an idiot and you shouldn’t have seen this coming. Bad things happen to good people and good relationships. There is hope but it starts with you looking after yourself. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
2: Re-group (did anyone catch the number of that bus…some helping understand what the heck is going on from the experts)
Endless resources in your favourite format (audio, video, print) to help you understand this potentially transformative developmental stage! You need help understanding the 6 Stages of Mid-Life Crisis (MLC) and how these stages may translate into stages for you!
3: Get safe (not just physically, emotionally)
Sure up your safety mechanisms and bounce back-isms. Get help setting up support systems and techniques for finding your calm self in the midst of turmoil.
4: Get brave (find out who you are, what makes you tick and how you played a part in your situation)
This is called ‘Mirror work’ and most people have no clue where to start. The relationship you have with yourself is the foundation of the relationship you have with everyone else. Working on yourself does not need to mean that you have given up on your spouse. Nor will it create an unbridgeable distance between you. Be the Lighthouse!
5: Get a life – or GAL. It is the number one piece of advice from well meaning advisors -GRRR!
How to GAL when you have very little cash, time, confidence or enthusiasm.
6: Loving from a distance. Love is not a dirty word and Love is not a weakness.
How to make peace with the fact that you still love your spouse and how to love them for the person they are and not for the role they played (wife/husband). Help with learning healthy boundaries.
Where we start depends on where you are
You may be 3+ years post separation/divorce and feeling frustrated about your inability to move on or are confused about why you still love your spouse.
At the 3 year point, you might expect some of the following things to have occurred:
- Your spouse has moved out and taken all of their belongings with them.
- Their bills are being re-directed to their house
- They are not wanting to spend time with you
- They stop buying you gifts
- They have asked for a divorce
Quite often, this is not the case. After an initial rush to ‘rip of the bandaid’ and move on with their new life, the MLC spouse can appear very slow in committing to their new destiny. Things don’t add up. It is understandably very hard for you to move on when the signals are so mixed.
Choosing to ‘stand’ by your spouse and observe these changes without making any permanent decisions about the fate of your relationship takes courage and allows you time to work out what you want. It is not to be confused with ‘waiting’ which is disempowering. If your spouse was in a coma, how would you view them?, what would you do?, how would you use your time? This analogy is helpful in de-personalising this crisis.